Wildly Delicious

It's 11:28 p.m. on a Monday. Gentlemen, today is history.  Today, I killed my first elk. A medium sized fellow, a 4x5, but nonetheless my first big game animal I have ever killed. We shared a moment, me and him, this evening. I hiked in a short jaunt from the road. I had very little hope that I would see anything, the last day of my season is Wednesday and I had long since adopted a mindset that was less one of "hunting" and perhaps closer to recreational hiking with a gun and a tag. The first flakes of snow I have seen this year were glittering in the deepening umbra of a North Idaho evening. I came around a corner and there were two bull elk, just looking at me. I was only about 30 yards away and dropped to one knee, in what could be described as a defensive postion. Neither one moved. They looked at me as if wondering whether or not I was worth their time. I made eye contact with the larger one and held it for a second before slowly squeezing the trigger. He dropped with one shot and didn't move. I approached him, and dropped to one knee. This time, less defensive and probably more likened to that of a position of prayer, and slowly watched him take his last few breaths. It was a feeling unlike any I have experienced before. When people die there is a recognition in their eyes, and while tragic, they are aware of their mortality from a very young age. In watching this fellow's eyes slowly cloud, I realized I was watching, for the first time in my life, something experiencing a wholly unknowable feeling. This elk was not aware that his lung was punctured and his heart was clipped, his lungs slowly filling with blood. He was only aware that the cold around him was perhaps lessening, that his pain was passing, and that the darkness around his vision was slowly gaining presence until that was all that he had ever known.

But what does this have to do with a food blog you ask? When I went hunting last week I brought with me, in addition to my rifle, a 410 single action pistol. Pretty much the perfect grouse weapon, and what did I shoot with this gun in the midst of a downpour? Surprisingly enough, a grouse! Here it is, shortly after it was brought back to its final resting grounds.

I accidently started plucking it before I got a picture, so this somewhat motley fowl is so by my hand, and was in much better shape before I got to it.














So, you have a grouse. Congrats, its like a small, slightly chewier chicken. What do you do with it after that? Well you most likely consult your homies Irma and Marion and Rombauer that shit!

This is a timeless book, and besides providing information on how to make a rockin' grouse, there are also such charming recipes as:



Delicious, and frequently served!

Oh what the hell, I'll try anything once.











Long story acceptable length, the grouse recipe is cooked in quite literally bacon and butter. I took a few liberties, and put some brown sugar in the bottom of the pan with bacon and butter, stuffed my grouse with onion, garlic, brown sugar, and butter,  then cooked it at 300 degrees basting frequently.

Before: (I don't know if this is a darker side of me, but something about this picture strikes me as comic, like he is about to get up and dance. Anyone else? Or am I just a bit off my nut?)

After:

I served this with some homemade baked bread and some, I hate to say this, packaged Idahoan Potatoes, which really are my weakness. It turned out extremely well. Not a whole lot of food, about 3 bites apiece for two people, but it was really delicious. Wildly so. To paraphrase the man, the legend, Anthony Bourdain, if you were an animal and had to be killed, you might as well be cooked into something delicious. Going back to the beginning of this semester with the argument of whether or not you should know how to roast a chicken in college, I think yes, absolutely you should. I also believe you should be closer in tune with where your food comes from. What do you gentlemen think? Should one have a responsibility to at least once, watch what you will eat die, as was historically the case? Or is it better to continue on in our cellophane Styrofoam meat under gigantic lights ways?

Mikey's

Mikey's Gyros has all the charm of a hipster's basement, but you've probably never heard of it. The tables are coated in what I liked to believe was a lacquer finish, but realistically could have been the compressed grease of thousands of satisfied customers. The music is loud, the beer is cold, and the lamb mash-up is hot. Mikey's may lack things such as; uniforms, organized seating, and a valet service, but the lack of flair is by no means a handicap on the restaurant itself. It makes up for these things by a simplistic and delicious menu, rotating taps of micro brews (which, might I add, are only 3 dollars before 5 o'clock) and a colorful array of individuals serving your food while wearing cowboy hats and/or bright pink mini-shorts.

So what to order? All the foods seemed share common elements. Crisp greens, hot and greasy meat, warm pita bread, and house made sauces. So why not order some delicious hybrid of all things Mikey's? The Deluxe Gyro with Feta. For 4.75 (before tax) this really can't be beat. I chose to wash it down with a crisp Midnight Wheat Pint.

The beer was excellently poured, the amber line reaching the absolute top of the rim and the foam precariously perched on top like a sleigh on Mount Crumpit, and as some of my classmates might agree with me, certain other local restaurants would do well to take a page out Mr. Mikey's book.







But what about the food?


Oh, that's right. It was delicious. A light dusting of feta adorned my leafy greens resembling Chevy Chase's dressing room mirror. The tzatziki sauce was a perfect cooling agent to the hot of the rotating cylinder meat. No complaints, and there was little to be desired. The thing that I appreciate about the Mikey's Gyro, is that it doesn't change. In the 8 years I have been there as a patron, the "d w/feta" has never changed.











So, the atmosphere, that must be this place's failure right?

Wrong! As the two hip young gentlemen pictured will attest, the dress code is lax, and the employees are friendly. Local art adorns the walls, and one has the feeling that a great many good beers have been spilled on the vaguely brown carpet. Mikey's is a patron of the local arts in Moscow, providing a relaxed atmosphere for students (of the graduate variety) to read nonfiction, fiction, and if anybody stays around long enough or is too drunk to leave, poetry.




So how does this all rate in the grand scheme? Fearlesscritic.com seems to break the classification into three parts. Food, Feel, and Price. Applying this to Mikey's, I stand by the following judgment: Food 8.0, Feel, 8.5, and Price was eight dollars and four cents (including the beer), so even though fearless critics are too cowardly to rate this, I would give price a 10.0 Flawless. What you get for what you pay is quite a bit for not that much. This restaurant is as much as part of Moscow as the endlessly futile Friday evening peace rallies on Main Street or the unsurprising continual failure of the Football team. If this restaurant were a person it would be Jennifer Aniston. It has been around for most of my life, and has never really changed appearances.

I got 99 problems, but cheap food ain't one

So there I was, broke, in the supermarket, florescent light bulbs illuminating the the bottom of the economic barrel, when I realized, it isn't poverty that affects the diet of the poor. It is laziness. Or in some cases, lack of time. 17% of their income. That is what the "average" American spends on groceries. When Maslow theorized that the most important of needs are; food, love, water, and safety, I doubt he thought that less than less than 20 cents per every dollar would go to the most basic of requirements.

How do we happy few, we band of broke students, reckon with the ever present question of nutrition vs. budget? Some may call me a hero, but I recommend straddling the perilously thin line between the two. Others have also called me a twit, so take that into account. My mission: To find food nirvana for under 7 dollars. Can it be done? I say we had better damn well try. And so, with only minimal additional adieu, I present my humble experiment.

Step One: The Ramen Noodles. I selected the most prestigious of vintages when it came to the Ramen. Chicken... I think. At least that is what I am told the "flavor" is.

Step Two: Ignore Katie, she was most unhelpful. I already had a variety of vegetables and sauces from previous dinners, so all I required was a single tomato (the price presented is for 5, so about 40 cents a tomato) and a small smidgen of steak.

Step Three: Marinate Steak. I chose a "Veri Veri Teriyaki" sauce to marinate the steak in after a brief dip in a salt and pepper rub with a dash of Cayenne Pepper.

Step Four: You put that shit together! I heated some canola oil and added some garlic and onions. I added the stead and let those flavors dig each other for a bit before adding broccoli and red peppers.

Step Five: I added in the Ramen noodles that had cooked briefly on the side. I pulled the noodles out before they were done and put them into the mix with vegetables and meat so that their final absorbent stage was one of sauce and salt. I left the noodles in with the rest of the party for a few minutes. I then pulled the mixture from heat, added a tomato, and covered for a few more minutes until I was sure the tomato had warmed up enough without losing consistency.



The Results(!): Pretty surprising actually. I spent about 75 cents on Ramen Noodles. 2.15 on meat, roughly 40 cents on a tomato, the broccoli, onion, and garlic I already had on hand. That brings this meal to 3 dollars and thirty cents, not including resources already acquired. I actually really enjoyed the flavor as well. I seasoned this meal heavily with Chili Garlic Sauce. My philosophy has always been, if the meal might not be that great, it had better be spicy.

This was, however, ultimately the meal's downfall. In asking someone else to try it, I consulted my girlfriend. Her feedback was as follows: "I think this would have been really good if I could have tasted it. Right now, my mouth is on fire [Expletives removed]."

What did we learn? Cheap food doesn't have to be completely horrible for you, providing you have the time to make it and the palate to take it.

Delicious and Nutritious

So, there I was looking through aisle after aisle of foodstuffs in the CO-OP which screamed at me in flashy labels, declaring things like; "Organic," "No G.M.O.," "No High-Fructose Corn Syrup." Well that's great, clearly these products are of a higher quality. If price is anything to go by, these items must be substantially better products, right? Or... Perhaps not.

I looked through the fruit section, and thought I saw Garcia Lorca down by the watermelons. I wanted to find a product to compare that was actually relevant to the everyday college student's life. Tomatoes, while no doubt greatly appreciated in their canned marinara form, don't quite hold as high of a place in the life of a poor college student. When one takes a step back, one realizes that very few foods hold a significant place in our conventional lives because we can't always afford food. We can always however, afford beer.

This, is the content of my test. USDA Certified Organic Chocolate Stout (Pictured Right), and its non-organic Obsidian Stout counterpart.

 

So I consulted two friends of mine to join me in this delicious adventure to see which beer is "better," based on taste. I decided to give two identical glasses filled with two different beers to each of my two friends and waited for them both to finish before explaining their results.

As you can see, both beers look fairly similar in color. The taste, as I came to found out, were fairly different. 

And now, The RESULTS! 2 Votes for the USDA Certified Organic Chocolate Stout, 1 Vote for its non-organic counterpart.

So what does this painstaking scientifically immaculate research mean? Well, truth be told I'm not entirely sure. It would appear, in a test of a very small group of people, Organic Beer is actually "better" than non-organic beer. But how does this apply across a broad spectrum? 

For me, the question is inherently flawed because it examines quality based on taste preferences. For example, for somebody who really loves the taste of tomatoes, organic tomatoes may be "better," because this person would prefer the actual taste of a tomato. However, someone who dislikes the taste of tomato may find the non-organic cousin of an organic tomato to taste "better" because it inherently tastes less like a real tomato. 

 I actually really enjoy the taste of fresh and organic meats and vegetables, be it steaks, asparagus, tomatoes, or beer. So with this opinion, I try to actually find products under this category that taste more like how they are "supposed" to taste. 

In some recreational research, I have found that many vegetable products grown inorganically actually have greatly reduced numbers of nutrients. So yes, you are paying less for what looks like the same product; Big leafy greens, crisp with moisture from the usually inopportunely spraying misters, actually are dramatically different products.  

I also found this handy little fact on http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/organic-food/NU00255.

According to this website, and first hand accounts from friends who grow certified organic food, a product only has to be 95% organic to be labeled as such. So.... what in the hell is in the other 5%?

Rex Zea Mays

I have always tried to be conscientious of what I consume, at least so far as food goes. I knew that ingredients such as High Fructose Corn Syrup were commonplace in most of the foods we eat, however I had little idea that corn has permeated so deep into every facet of the food industry. I set out to research on my own a little more about corn and the effects it is having on America. Stumbling upon corn.org, I found this little gem of a quote. "Citric and lactic acid from corn can be found in hundreds of food and industrial products." I took a great comfort in knowing that the food that tens of millions of people eat everyday shares many similarities with the broad and mysterious classification of "industrial products."

My shopping list tends to be fairly healthy. I luck out in a variety of ways with advantages that most college students don't have. My girlfriend's parents own a 5 acre organic farm in Moscow which supplies all of our vegetables. She also works at the Moscow Food CO-OP which grants me a 18% discount on all groceries (most importantly beer), so the majority of our shopping lands us with organic food. However, even with the discount the cost of food can still be staggering. When I shop at WinCo, my average paper grocery bag, full to the brim with a variety of breads, cheeses, etc. will cost me about 50 dollars. A full bag at the CO-OP will run me closer to 70 or 80, with a discount. 

When asked, "Can one eat corn-free on a shoe-string budget," my answer would have to be no. I run through things that I buy when I end up on a shoe string budget; Easy Mac, Quesadillas (the poor man's version consisting of just cheese), Cusine Extraordinaire Boyardee, Canned Soups etc. All of these things are heavily saturated both directly and indirectly with corn. The relation between income and diet is a topic of increasing interest to me. The concept that it used to be if you were fat you were rich, because you could afford to eat that way, has been flipped around by a solid 180. I understand that for people on a low income, food is an area that it is easier to save money than say gas, or daycare. However, should this be the case? 

There is an interesting documentary entitled, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," wherein the main subject of the documentary goes on an organic juice fast. He meets up with another man, a trucker who is extremely obese and eventually convinces him to try the juice diet as well. The trucker loses an enormous amount of weight, and by the end of the film, while still somewhat obese, however it is clear that he is in far better shape. At one point in the film, they do a price comparison with "Bear" the Trucker's brother, who had recently had a heart attack. While the short term of eating fast and fried foods is ultimately cheaper, the long term cost, both in dollars and in health, is astronomically higher. 

For me, tuition at University of Idaho is fairly cheap. I also manage to make enough money in the summer to provide me with the ability to eat fairly healthy, and for that I am lucky. It seems that the more I look around, the more cases of Childhood Obesity I see. I couldn't imagine being that kid, you know? And as easy as it is to blame the parents, it is usually the best they can do. Buying a box of 100 chicken nuggets with which you could make 10 meals, for ten dollars, is a great way to stretch money that is already thin. But what do we do about this? Healthy food is more expensive, and people with a lower income can't afford that kind of luxury. My uncle, whom I don't believe I have ever seen eat a vegetable, just last Sunday had a massive stroke. He is paralyzed on his left side, whether it be temporarily or permanently is currently unknown. The doctor described him as "weathered," due to his diet and habits. He is 65. Where do we go from here?

And now for something completely different,
Its... Youtube commercials. I watched the Spoof first, and then the "real" one. I highly recommend the same. The top one is the spoof.